There are two types of greyhounds in this world. Some say they’re the same breed, but any greyhound parent knows better.
On one side, you have the Regal Greyhound — the canine embodiment of royalty, gliding through life with an air of aloof grace. And on the other, you meet the Doofus Greyhound — the long-legged comedy sketch in a fur coat who thinks doors are optional and gravity is a guideline.
Let’s take a moment to appreciate both.
Our Hounds in Homes crew: Artie, Jasper, Jerry, Bella, Shelby and Hani.
The Regal Greyhound: Aristocrat of the Couch
You know the one. They lounge like they own the estate (and, frankly, they do). Spine curved in a perfect crescent, legs crossed in a snobby kind of way, chin raised just so, gazing into the middle distance as if remembering their days in Royal English Manor houses.
Characteristics of the Regal Greyhound:
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Sleeps exclusively on velvet (or the closest available texture).
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They have perfected the look — you know the one. That icy, soul-piercing stare they give you when you're 90 seconds late with dinner, or when their blanket isn’t folded just right. It’s pure drama. One might assume you’ve committed a crime, when in fact, you just paused to pee before filling their bowl.
They don’t bark. They judge. Silently. Intensely.
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Refuses to acknowledge your presence unless you’re offering duck pâté or a blanket warmed in the dryer.
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Has never once zoomed. (They glide.)
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Will politely step around a puddle rather than get a paw wet.
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Gives off Downton Abbey energy in a Wallace & Gromit world.
These greyhounds are connoisseurs of stillness. Their version of play is a restrained tail wag and perhaps — if you’re lucky — a single bounce. Anything more is undignified. They judge you when you trip. They judge you harder when they trip.
The Goofy Greyhound: Stretchy Sock Puppet of Joy
And then, oh then, there’s the Doofus.
Long legs flailing in all directions, eyes wide with innocent confusion, this type of greyhound is less “noble steed” and more “newborn giraffe on a slip-n-slide.” They bark at their own farts. They attempt to fit inside a box meant for a cat. They forget how to sit. And they love you with the kind of desperate, nose-bonking intensity that knocks mugs off tables.
Traits of the Goofy Greyhound:
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Constantly confused by their own limbs.
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Lies upside down like a tangled yoga accident.
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Walks into the same screen door every morning.
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Wags tail so hard they fall over.
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Thinks they’re a lap dog. On your face.
Absolutely no coordination. Your long limbed greyhound, with two left feet is your personal clown, therapist, and shadow. They bring chaos, joy, and the occasional puddles of drool.
The Truth: They’re Both the Same Dog
Here’s the thing: Every greyhound has both inside them.
You’ll see your majestic creature draped like a Grecian statue in the sun, the very image of canine elegance — and then, ten minutes later, that same dog is doing donuts around the living room with a slipper in their mouth and eyes full of mischief.
Greyhounds contain multitudes. They’re ancient creatures with a thousand years of speed and grace in their blood — and they’re also deeply weird.
And we wouldn’t have them any other way.
So tell us — is your greyhound royalty, a goof, or both depending on the time of day and the mood of the toast crumbs on the floor? Let us know in the comments below!
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